To know or not to know...I kind of wish I didn't

White Trash Barbie

My husband's lovely choice for his OW

I am going to skip to the week of D-Day, and I will fill in all the rest later.

For me, D-Day was more of a D-week.  It all started on May 28th, 2013.  We had a one month old at home, so I was at home all day.  My husband was leaving that evening for a business trip.  As a physician, pharmaceutical companies pay him to give talks about their new drugs, so he was scheduled to fly to Memphis on Tuesday night, give a talk there on Wednesday evening, give a talk in Jonesboro, Arkansas on Thursday morning and be home by Thursday night.  While he was getting ready and packing up to leave, I was sitting in our bathroom talking to him.  He asked me to help him trim his body hair (he is a very hairy guy, and trims his entire body regularly to keep neat and groomed). I thought nothing of it, and I helped him to trim and get finished up and ready to go.  He had a two hour drive to the airport, and during his drive, I checked our phone records to see who he was talking to on the way to the airport.  Hmmm, no calls or texts to the number I was expecting I might see (Kelli's), but there were other calls to a number I did not recognize.  At this point in the game, I could not really explain my suspicion of his and Kelli's relationship.  I really honestly had no concrete reasons or proof for thinking that something might be going on between them, and truthfully, I was starting to think that it was my crazy hormonal brain that was leading me to my nutty, suspicious, checking up.  Nonetheless, my checking up continued.  The calls that I noticed were a 913 area code, so I logged into his gmail account to search for 913.  I thought that maybe it was someone associated with the pharmaceutical company, and if so, their number would likely be at the bottom of a work related email and would pull up during a search.  But the search turned up nothing.  Then, I started to wonder if I could even search for numbers or if it would only search for keywords, so I searched for Kelli's area code (781), knowing that if I could search numbers, her number would definitely pull something up, as her number was listed at the bottom of the numerous work related emails they exchanged.  So I typed it in - 7-8-1...hit search...and BAM!  A bunch of emails I had never seen before!  Never in the maybe TEN THOUSAND times I had checked his email, searching for her name, had I seen these emails.  They were dated August and September of 2012, at least three or four months before she was hired and they began working at the same hospital... 

So I open the first one...and my heart drops.  It is a very risque picture of her in fancy, lacy, sexy underwear.  OH.  MY.  GOD.  And the next one is the same.  OH.  MY.  GOD.  I am sitting there holding my one month old, with my three year old sitting on one side of me, and my five year old sitting on my other side, and I am literally about to have a panic attack.  I text my husband: "FYI, when you get home, I want a divorce."  Instantly, he starts calling me over and over, but I refuse to answer the phone.  I text him and say "fuck you, I knew I was right - I knew it.  You are having an affair with her!"  He texts me back and of course, says that he has no idea what I am talking about.  I text him the two pictures of her in her underwear. In the meantime, I text Kelli, "Kelli, this is Jennifer, Tony's wife."  I am waiting to hear back from her so that I can ask her what the fuck she is doing emailing dirty pictures to my husband!!   He calls me again and again, and I finally answer the phone.  He says, "I'm so sorry, but I sent those pictures to myself from her phone!"  And I said, "What kind of idiot do you think I am??  I have already texted her to find out what the hell she is doing sending you pictures like that?!"  He says, "Oh my god, you are going to get me fired, please tell me you haven't contacted her--she doesn't even know that I have those pictures--she left her phone in the conference room one day, and I looked through it, and I sent those pictures to my phone from hers!"

At about this same moment, Kelli texts me back and says, "hey Jennifer, what's up?" An internal battle ensues in the maybe 60 seconds that passes before I respond, and I think "oh my god, what do I do?  what if he is telling the truth?  what if I get him fired? what do I do?"  As usual, I choose to protect my husband, and I lie to Kelli, "I just wanted to see if you would help me with a list of hospital people for a surprise party for Tony."  "Sure, just let me know when," she replies.  And that's that.  I know, I know.  You are all thinking what kind of fucking moron believes such a ridiculous and obviously untrue story from her husband.  All I know to say in my own defense is that I so badly wanted to believe that what he was saying was true, and that the love of my life was not screwing someone else.  But deep down, I knew there was more to it.

For the next two days while he was away, he spent what seemed like every free moment on the phone with me, apologizing for being such a pervert, trying to convince me that there was nothing going on between them, and professing his undying love for me and our family.  I was feeling a bit better by the time he got home, but I still felt like I was missing something...something BIG.

Over the following weekend, he was on call, but when he was home, he spent the majority of his time kissing my ass, apologizing, saying that he would never do anything so stupid and risky again...he even swore on our children that there was nothing going on between them.  On Tuesday, June 4th, I could not shake the nagging feeling that I was missing out on some very crucial information.  Although I had religiously checked our phone records for the last six months, it didn't tell me much, since there were always texts and phone calls back and forth between them - I mean they worked together directly every single day for god's sake.  So I decided to pull our records all the way back to the beginning of 2012, a year and a half prior.  ***I should interrupt myself here and note that I did know that they knew each other that far back, because during my spying and checking up over the last six months, I had discovered some photos in his email from a stroke conference in New Orleans, where they both were present, although they worked for different hospitals at that point.  In one of the photos, (probably the single biggest thing that made me suspicious), the two of them were drinking out of the same hurricane glass with their faces smushed up against each other.*** (see below)

So anyway, I decided I would check our phone records that far back and see what I could find.  I went through with a highlighter, and highlighted every phone call and every text exchanged with her number, and OH. MY. GOD.  There were hundreds.  There were 30 minute phone calls to her number when he and I were having a romantic getaway in Vegas - I mean, where was I?  How did he have enough time to make a 30 minute call to her?  Was I in the shower?  Did he say he was going to work out?  God, I can't remember.  There were texts and phone calls to her on nights when I knew we had been out with friends, hanging out with family, out on dates...it seemed never-ending.  Until May of 2012...In May, all of the phone calls and texts literally stopped completely.  I texted my husband at work and told him yet again, that I knew the truth, and that I wanted a divorce.  He canceled his clinic, sent his patients home, called me, and explained that they hung out in New Orleans at the conference and had been involved in an emotional affair for several months after, but that they had ended things in May sometime (which magically matched up perfectly with our phone records).  Again, he swore that there was nothing between them and that there had never been anything physical. I texted Kelli and asked her what was wrong with her and why would she get involved with a married man with a family, and she told me exactly the same story he did.  BIG SHOCK.  Like an idiot, I believed him again, but it was still there in the back of my mind.

On Thursday night, June 6th, we went out to dinner to do some talking.  He spent most of dinner trying to convince me that nothing had happened between them.  He said he would do anything to prove it to me - take a lie detector test, truth serum - literally anything.  I mean he really laid it on thick.  On the way home, I said "fine, I found a company that will extract deleted text messages if you send them the backup of your iPhone, so I want the backup file."  He stumbled around his words and said he wasn't sure he had one, but if he did and he could find it, he would be happy for me to have it.  Lies!  I knew it!  My husband is quite possibly one of the most tech savvy guys I have ever known, and I knew that he had a backup somewhere.  As I laid in bed that night, I also knew, that if morning came, and he went to work with his laptop, that backup file would be no more.  So I got up as he slept, went out to his car and got his laptop out of his bag, and came into our living room to try and find the backup file.  The backup file was never found.  But, boy was I in for the shock of my life!  As I was searching for the backup file, I came across a file called iPhone photos that was dated for the previous week when he was in Memphis.  I opened it, and it was a file with almost 4000 photos apparently cleared off his phone after I discovered the pictures in his email.  I start going through every picture, and probably 200 pictures in, I find it.  A series of pictures of that nasty whore blowing my husband.  Yep, I would know that dick anywhere.  My whole world was shattered in that one instant.  There was her trashy self staring right back at me from the screen with my husband's dick in her mouth!  I started shaking uncontrollably and almost threw up.  Then, the lawyer in me surfaced, I gathered my thoughts, and I went to my office and got a flash drive.  I spent the next two hours going through the remaining 3800 pictures, and I saved every single one that had anything to do with them - pictures of her masturbating, pictures of her blowing him, nude pictures of her in the tanning bed, screenshots of texts between them, screenshots of them facetiming where she was naked or masturbating and he had this stupid silly ass grin on his face.  You name it, it was there, and I saved it all!  I hid the flash drive, and I opened the picture of her blowing him.  I walked into our bedroom, holding the computer screen so that he could see it,  flipped on the light, and told him he needed to get up, get dressed and get out.