Is love enough??

My love is not enough.  It never has been, although now it isn’t enough, but it is for very different reasons.  I have always hoped that my love would be enough for him, but it never has been.  He has always had me, yet he always wanted more – wanted to know what else was out there, what he was missing.  Now, it seems, he may soon find out what it is like to be missing me.  Not because I want it to be over – I don’t.  I have never wanted my love to be enough more than I want it to be enough now.  I want it to be enough to carry us through this storm, and although I have always thought it was strong enough to carry us through anything, I think this storm is just too big.  We can’t move on past the betrayal--past the lies and the hurt and the anger.  I know that he loves me, and god knows I love him and have loved him as fiercely as any person has ever loved another.  But is it enough?

It’s not.  I can’t let it go. I can’t wrap my little brain around the fact that he could do this to me, to our little family that he, at one time, so desperately wanted.  I can’t believe he would have unprotected sex over and over with someone he didn’t really trust and then come home and risk me and our unborn child.  I can’t believe that when I loved him unconditionally and gave him another chance, he lied more and betrayed me again.  I can’t believe that he missed out on the whole summer with our children while he was caught up in his own head trying to decide if he loved her (wtf??).  I can’t stand that they still work together and that she is a part of my daily life.  I can’t take it that he tiptoes around her feelings so he doesn’t “antagonize” the situation at work.  I can’t take it that she is still trying after four months of him being committed to us.  I cannot handle that I am supposed to be the bigger person and be well-behaved and not confront her when she is screwing with my family. 

I’m so over it.  I wish I thought my love for him was enough to see us through.  I need to start making some decisions that I can live with and not question every single day.  I need to move on, but I’m not sure it needs to be with him.  I don’t deserve this torture everyday.  I deserve to be happy and healthy and to be in a relationship where I don’t have to worry and wonder all the time. I love him so much, but is love really enough?  I am just not so sure anymore...